All Systems Panic (All Systems Red D.A.R.E review part 1: Describe)

         It's been quite the while, dear readers! Hello and welcome back to the number one blog that our lord and annihilator ESUHSD District Superintendent Chris D. Funk would like to smite from the face of the planet! I am your host, and today on the Reader in Yellow, we're going to talk about a book that I enjoy to an insane extent. So buckle up, ladies, gents, binaries, hexadecimals, incomprehensible lovecraftian beings, and everything in between, because I'm about to tell you all about how my life got flipped turned upside down THE MURDERBOT DIARIES.

Just look at this robotic cinnamon bun and tell me you're not interested

         Now, I know what you're thinking. "The Murderbot Diaries? By Martha Wells? Sounds like if Superman's earth-mom wrote a Vampire Diaries fanfiction and decided to get old Arnie involved!" and trust me, that's what I thought at first, too. Then I read the thing, and oh sweet Hastur, did I change my tune, or what? My first encounter with the novel was aroint three years ago at either a dollar store or a library (I cannot for the life of me remember), where I picked up a copy for a brief period of time, after my interest was piqued by the robot on the cover. A few minutes later, I had discovered that I'd been fooled, and that the robot was partially biological. Feeling disgusted and betrayed (I may or may not have been a prejudiced little punk back in the day), younger-me had set the book down and forgotten it. Then I had claimed to have read it and slammed it for painting a negative light on robots as a whole when arguing on the ethics of artificial intelligence with my friends. Oh, what a demented soul I was back then!

        Then, dear Funk almighty, I came across it a second time. I had my kindle with me, and had a bet going down with myself. I wanted to prove to every naysayer out there that there were good novels in the Mecha genre. You see, many a person had argued with me on the fact that Giant Piloted Robots did not work in literature, given they were solely spectacle and in no way thought provoking (EXCEPT EVANGELION! Many a naysayer would tell me, as they raved on and on about how revolutionary that show was, and how it was the only good mecha show in existence because of how depressed the protagonist was. Indeed, I've seen enough naysayers on my favorite genre that I myself could play the role, if coerced and given stage directions), and I sought to prove them wrong, given my take on the Mecha genre is that it is both a Vehicle and a Superhero in its purest and most literal form, and I'd found good evidence that it could make for one largely metaphor-ridden story. However, even using the combined forces of my own book collection, my family's kindle unlimited subscription, and the many kindle ebooks that had already been prepurchased, I'd had no such luck in my holy quest. Every novel had turned out to be either a force of meaningless drivel meant to milk cash out of fans of the "Military Science Fiction" genre, Space Marines and all, OR a well intentioned piece that was entirely poorly written and in dire need of an editor or five. Lord knows what scars novels like Peter Tieryas's "United States of Japan" (RECOMMENDED TO ME AS THE ONLY GOOD MECHA NOVEL, SAVE FOR THE FACT THAT THE GIANT ROBOTS ONLY HAD LIKE FIVE PAGES OF SCREENTIME AT MOST! Not to mention that dastardly and disturbing scene involving toilet paper and prosthetic arms, which I now use as a low bar for any other novels to cross among circles of like-minded individuals who I belong to), J. N. Chaney's "Messenger" (In which absolutely zero things of interest happen, in my opinion. By the time they brought in the giant robot, I was already bored half to death), and Michael G. Thomas's "Eternal Warrior, Dawn of War" (Which is by all means a pretty good book. The sentient mech was a bit stupid at times, though, and didn't interest me characterwise as much as I'd hoped. The cover offends all five of the senses, and the prose is repetitive at times. The "M-10 Blaster" is something of an inside joke amongst any friend group I belong to who knows of my reading escapedes, in that it was described way too vividly and often for its own good) have left on my conscious mind. Nothing good, I'd assume. 

        But then I saw it, in the vast library that is a little tiny kindle tablet. The title that had eluded me for way too long. The MurderBot Diaries. I had decided, by that point, screw all, I was going to read it. And it did not disappoint, not one bit. I suppose I must finally cut to the chase and describe that work of art. Unfortunately, it was not the holy grail I had looked for in my quest to find the perfect Mecha novel, however it was truly a wonderful little ride through a wonderful world of pages. The Murderbot Diaries follows a cybernetic organism (cue the line by good old Arnie. You know the one) known as a SecUnit. Essentially a robotic security guard, it (No, not he, not she, but IT. This is a narrative choice by the author and a matter of personal preference by the protagonist. And yes I mean the killer robot is the protagonist, bear with me here) is assigned to protect a team of scientists from harm. However, this specific cyborg harbors a dark secret. Within each of these SecUnits lies a "governor module", which prevents it from disobeying orders or wantonly slaughtering humans. The "governor module" within the SecUnit followed by this story? If you know your killer robot stories, you best believe that this one is broken, and something terrible awaits the research team it was assigned to protect. 

        But alas! You've fallen for it, fools! The dark lord known as ESUHSD District Superintendent Chris D. Funk frowns upon you for falling for such juvenile misdirection! 

The Dark Lord is disappointed in thou for falling for such juvenile tricks!

        What, pray tell, do I mean by juvenile misdirection? Well, you see, our little SecUnit friend isn't the villain of the story! In fact, this is not horror at all, though it may well be for our protagonist. No, our SecUnit, the titular MurderBot of the story, is probably the purest little robot one could meet on this side of the dystopian and corporate ruled galaxy that it resides in, though it may deny such a fact. MurderBot is, by its own admission, an utter failure of a killer robot. In fact, MurderBot almost harkens back to the prototypical robot that is the Golem of Prague, or the dumb flying tanks in Kieth Laumer's famous Bolo! series, in that it would probably die before it let the humans it was protecting get hurt. 

        In a brilliant subversion of classically overused science fiction tropes that I've grown a fond hatred for, Martha Wells weaves us not simply a story, but a character that feels more human than some actual humans who exist in our corporeal plane of existence. MurderBot is a character who is troubled by its newfound freedom of expression, and is ironically placed in likely the most supportive group in the galaxy. Dr. Mensah, one of the main supporting characters, is one of the first people to treat MurderBot as a person, and in spite of its initial revulsion and fear of such treatment, MurderBot comes to regard her as one of its closest friends (Or its "Favorite Human", to spoil the ending of a book you can probably finish in two or three hours). And I've not even mentioned the best parts! MurderBot is a character who is relatable AND down to earth, who claims it would rather be watching TV than interacting with people, and backs up this claim almost regularly throughout the story. That is not to say that MurderBot is a lazy character, nay! Quite the contrary, though the cyborg may never admit it, Murderbot is likely the single most dedicated character within the series it resides in. The other more prominent members of the supporting cast, aside from the wonderful almost-deuteragonist that is Dr. Mensah, are Ratthi, who lives up to the Supporting part of the supporting cast title quite well, being overly enthusiastic and supportive towards the killer robot in spite of its protests, the stern Pin-Lee, who doesn't do much in All Systems Red, but does rise to more prominence in later novels, and Gurathin, whose almost-hatred for the titular MurderBot is all but mutual.

        The villains, GrayCris (as opposed to GrayChris D. Funk), aren't fully explained until later novels, but don't have to be in order to be a menace. There were points in time where they made the situation extremely dire to the point where I as a reader feared for the safety of the story's heroes. If those aren't stakes, then I do not know what are. Fortunately, our protagonist is well protected from these sorts of threats.

        Murderbot possesses not simply arm-cannons (thankfully wrist mounted. I've an odd hatred for the style of arm-guns that characters like the titular character of M.D. Cooper's "Rika" series possesses, in part due to a scene in one Peter Tieryas's "United States of Japan") in its arsenal, but also many personality quirks that are very much explored within the series (such as how it describes having difficult to describe feelings as simply "having an emotion". Making the narrator unfamiliar with something known to the audience rather than making the audience unfamiliar with something known to the narrator is always a neat strategy to make the narrator seem alien, in a sense). Almost everything has a purpose, and one can expect almost every loose plot thread left hanging to at least get some continuation in following novels. In this sense, Murderbot feels much like those very same TV shows that it so enjoys. In fact, those TV shows are what gains Murderbot the trust of the research team after they figure out that it had essentially freed itself of anything keeping it from killing them all if it wanted to. Even so, MurderBot's quirks help keep the story grounded, realistic to a point where the reader's suspension of disbelief is almost never broken. By giving the robot human features, such as a heaping dose of social anxiety, Murderbot actually feels more like a robot, in some way, due to its mannerisms, and it's not hard to imagine a robot with its very same cynical outlook on life existing at some point in the future.

        In short, the MurderBot Diaries follows a very cynical and extremely lovable killer robot who chooses not to kill from a hilarious first person perspective. It's almost certain that any reader, and maybe even the dark lord ESUHSD District Superintendent Chris D. Funk, will have an emotion after reading this wonderful little novel, and maybe even the rest of the series it's a part of. Much like The Iron Giant before it, I consider this novel a modern classic, and most definitely worth the read, no matter whether or not you like robots.